There are a few things you should think about to make this experience better and less painful for you and your spouse. For most of us, having our first sex is a life-changing experience that can open up a whole new world, bring you closer to your partner, and give you a better understanding of your own body. But it’s not something to take lightly. There are a few things you should think about to make this experience better and less painful for you and your spouse.
1. Talk about it
Whether it’s with an older sibling, friend or doctor – talk to someone mature and experienced about your decision. Sure, you might feel certain of it in your head at the moment but discussing it out loud can help process the decision on a deeper level. It might scare you a little, and even raise some questions you hadn’t thought about yet. That’s okay, it just means you’ll be even more ready once you find the solutions and move past the hurdles.
2. Be prepared
If anyone has told you that you don’t need to prepare anything and it’ll all come to you naturally – they’re wrong. We can all do with a little bit of preparation so we’re not caught off-guard by any situation that may come up. Read up about sexual intercourse, methods of protection, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual organs and erogenous zones. Then, make sure you have everything you could need like condoms and lubricants. You can pick a few kinds at any drug store if you’re not sure what’ll work best – order them online or ask a friend to go with you if you’re nervous.
3. Understand consent
The most important part about having sex — the first time, last time or any time in between — is consent. It should be verbal and enthusiastic; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There will be some people who will try to downplay it or joke about it. Reconsider your decision if you feel unsafe at any point. No means no, stop means stop – make sure your partner understands and respects that.
4. Establish trust
You might think you’re going to be with your partner for the rest of your life or you might know that having sex with them will be a one-time thing only. When it comes to your physical and mental health, though, knowing that you can trust this person may make the experience a lot better and safer for you. You don’t owe them anything but one detail about your sexual history – when was the last time you got tested for sexually transmitted diseases, if you’ve tested positive for any of them, and if you’ve been treated for it. You should also ask your partner the same things. Whether you want to tell them about it being your first time is totally your call – it can help them be extra careful though and they may not be shocked in case of any bleeding (which may or may not happen). Talk to them about what their expectations are, put yours forward as well. Make sure you’re on the same page.
5. Have fun with foreplay
You may be nervous and just want to get your first time over with, but take your time with foreplay. Women can take some time to get aroused, which leads to the vagina naturally lubricating itself. Your first time will go a lot smoother if there is enough lubrication. Without lubrication, you might experience discomfort and pain and it could even cause small cut or tears in the vagina because of friction.
6. Don’t try any acrobatics
You may be tempted to try and impress your partner with some sexy positions and tricks – and if you’re extremely flexible and fit, they might even come easily to you. But you won’t know how it’ll really feel until you try it and it’s safer to take it one step at a time when it comes to exploring with sex. The first time is never the best – but it gets better without having to go to extremes.
7. Remember hygiene
It’s a good idea to cut your nails beforehand. Wash your hands properly before you start. Use a new condom for every sexual activity, even if you don’t ejaculate. Women should pee before and immediately after sex to reduce the chances of urinary tract infections – cuddling can be postponed by a minute. Men should wait 15 minutes after intercourse to urinate. Clean up any body fluids with a wet towel or tissue once you’re done.
And the most important tip – have fun!
